FONG's LiFe

很难相像。 看着自己死去， 是什么感觉。
是悲伤？是痛苦？是失望？是无奈？感觉无助？还是解脱？
- - - - - - -
昨天下午姐姐来看我，
她扶我走去厕所，我还能坐在椅子上陪她聊天。

今天早上，姐姐也来看我，
但我躺在床上，感觉非常没有力气，需要氧气帮助呼吸之余，还要吊水和注入多巴酚丁胺,防止脱水和提高血压，身体也因为血压低的原因而进入急性肾衰竭状况，使得情况更而严重。

医生说他会尽全力，但我可以感觉我的呼吸越来越辛苦，我想回家。

姐姐告诉医生，昨天下午看我还好好的，怎么突然情况变得那么坏，

医生说，是时候了。
姐姐泪如雨下。

医生与我的姐姐交谈了一阵子过后，姐姐进来为我祈祷和念圣经。姐姐说她会尽快安排我回去。
护士进来为我把我身上的管子全拆掉。姐夫安排的救护车也到了。大家移我上救护车后，姐姐牵着我的手回家。

我能感觉姐姐在流泪，但我实在没力气，去安慰她。

我能感觉我慢慢地失去意识，我想我应该已经到家了吧？

我实在撑不住了，

我，真的要回天家去了。

再见了。

- - - - - - - -
整个过程
太快了,

我不清楚
我到最后是否已经接受这个
结局,

也来不及收拾-
到底这是什么
感觉.

都已经发生了,
就酱吧...

- - - - - - - -
虽然如此,我还是愿意相信,上帝安排的一切都是为我好的.

桜坂

君よずっと幸せに 風にそっと歌うよ
愛は今も愛のままで

揺れる木漏れ日 薫る桜坂
悲しみに似た 薄紅色
君がいた 恋をしていた
君じゃなきゃダメなのに ひとつになれず
愛と知っていたのに 春はやってくるのに
夢は今も夢のままで

頬にくちづけ 染まる桜坂
抱きしめたい気持ちで いっぱいだった
この街で ずっとふたりで
無邪気すぎた約束 涙に変わる
愛と知っていたのに 花はそっと咲くのに
君は今も君のままで

逢えないけど 季節は変わるけど　愛しき人

君だけが わかってくれた
憧れを追いかけて 僕は生きるよ
愛と知っていたのに 春はやってくるのに
夢は今も夢のままで
君よずっと幸せに 風にそっと歌うよ
愛は今も愛のままで

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

希望你永遠都幸福　隨著風我輕輕哼唱

對你的愛　還是沒變

櫻花數在空中搖擺　花相四溢的櫻阪

與悲傷的顏色相同　淺淺的粉紅色

有你在身邊　我們相戀

無法想像失去你　卻已分離

我明白這就是愛情　春天即將來臨　

心中的夢　未曾實現

在臉頰上留下吻　染紅了的櫻阪

腦海中滿是想擁你入懷的? 在這個城市中我們永遠不分離

這個承諾太過天真　終究變成了眼淚

我明白這就是愛情　櫻花悄悄綻放

熟悉的你　依然如昔

雖然不在相見　雖然季節會改變 你仍是我愛的人

只有你明白我　

一起追逐那憧憬 我會好好生存的

我明白這就是愛情　春天即將來臨

心中的夢　未曾實現

希望你永遠都幸福　隨著風我輕輕哼唱

對你的愛　還是沒變

==========================================================

终于可以写中文了！！ 好开心哦！

这首歌找了很久，终于找到完整的歌词和翻译。而且电脑也不会出现格子，哈哈！

(use this link for song “http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azktX3O7Qt4

Love is patient,
Love is kind.
Love does not envy,
Love does not boast,
Love is not proud.
Love is not rude,
Love is not self-seeking,
Love is not easily angered,
Love keeps no record or wrong doings.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Love always protects,
Love always trust,
Love always hopes,
Love always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

My goodness! what is this man..long time no blog suddenly got mood to blog already then i find... CHINESE STAR NOT INSTALLED YET!!! where is the cd? mana? bin dou? na li?? oh...i think lent to cousin already...haihz.....another episode of depression....during the thunder and storm season, my comp suffered a premature death, failed to resusitate, (depressed) so me and my bro decided to let it undergo transplantation. So it survive! with the old outer skin but all new organs.. (happy for a while) but of course, new hard disk, so all my sweet memories, including my pics and songs all gone. (depressed again..)...and all OS and office have to install again..so CSTAR have to wait for a moment more after my cousin return me the CD...

jz imagine someone you love, you spent many yrs with this person, ups and downs, sweet and sour memories, suddenly accident, survived, but lost all memories, the relationship have to rebuild once more..oh..so sad...

but well, another point of view is that this is a new life! It is no longer the same as the last anymore! Just like when we born again in the spirit of Christ we are no longer the same anymore! new life, better life, better functions, better role, and a promised better future by God! old memories? it is just the few yrs of life, we will create more memories in the future and in eternity!

so, depression, go away please. the master in my house do not welcome you! and my house is jam packed with love, joy and peace and i dun have enough room for you.

btw...i actually not so depressed as you would think (la), its kinda sad when all the pics and songs cant survive anymore, but think again, it is my real living life that matters, not the dead pics and songs..so after all..i'm okay..if still can retreat from the old hard disk then thank god, if not then its okay (la), thank god also, cuz help me realize what is more important in life! =)

学弟进院了。很严重。下一分钟是生是死，只有上帝知道。老师在他身边为他祈祷、照顾他。他只是她的学生。实话，我很难相信，这样的关心，叫做“爱”。 长大在充满心机的社会，我常被提醒：不要太过相信对你好的人，他们都有目的的。 如果有人对我太好， 我会害怕。 这个人到底要从我身上得到什么？ 还是他想让大家知道他是多么地有爱心？ 又或者… 借口太多， 我就是不愿意相信。

学弟进院了。 大家为他祈祷。 好多人哭了。 整个学校， 不是每个人都跟他熟， 但谁也不愿失去一个学弟， 或一个学长， 或一名学生， 或一个同班同学， 更加不愿意── 一位好朋友。

很严重。 一直以来都知道， 只是直到身边的人都变成这样， 才愿意相信。 血不停地流， 肺积水不能自己呼吸了。这个喉， 那个管， 在加护病房里， 看到的都心疼。 别过脸去， 只看见泪痕。

Hide me now, under your wings. Cover me, within Your mighty Hands.

只有上帝知道。

Kau yang terindah lyrics
Kau yang terindah, di dalam hidup ini
Tiada Allah Tuhan yang seperti Engkau
Gagah perkasa penuh kemuliaan.

Kau yang termanis, di dalam hidup ini
Ku cinta Kau lebih dari segalanya
Besar kemuliaan Mu kepada ku

Ku sembah Kau, ya Allah ku
Ku tinggikan namaMu selalu
Tiada lutut tak bertelut
Engkaulah Yesus Tuhan Rajaku

Ku sembah Kau, ya Allah ku
Ku tinggikan namaMu selalu
Tiada lidah tak mengaku
Engkaulah Yesus Tuhan Rajanku
==================================
It's been so long since i update my blog, kinda busy especially now shifted to sri kembangan.. so far away from home and my mom also ask me to stay in hostel dun go home so often cuz it's dangerous and expensive..
For the last 3 months, lotsa things had happened...(as usual) i can say kinda relief for me somehow... at first i thought im gonna start a relationship this year...at first i really think he wants to, that week kinda like...omg, hmm...try my best la... but somehow when finally decided not to start this year, i find this is the best for us... we planned but God will determine our steps.

Yesterday was the 2nd CF since i'm back to class. As usual i reminded my friends to come. I love being in it.. but when i got home, one of my friend told me that this CF was not as fun as last time when she follow me to CG. And from another friend i knew that this friend of mine told her next time she dunwan come already becuz it's rather boring. I feel disappointed. If she has God in her heart she wouldn't have said that. But still, up to her to come or not to for the next one. Psalm127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Perhaps God has make her this way, so that in future He can touch her heart more deeper.

Know what...now my class schedule is like.. class 8am-5pm, then night class 8-10pm every weekdays. and 8am class for us i'm suppose to reach by 7.45am... saturday and sunday we are suppose to go back to college at least 4 hours to practise OSCE. Only thru suffers we grow.. so i will just accept it..more over study is forever more enjoyable than working...=)

Only Human
作詞: 小山内舞 作曲: 松尾潔・田中直

哀しみの向こう岸に
微笑みがあるというよ

哀しみの向こう岸に
微笑みがあるというよ
たどり着くその先には
何が僕らを待ってる?

逃げるためじゃなく　夢追うために
旅に出たはずさ　遠い夏のあの日

明日さえ見えたなら　ため息もないけど
流れに逆らう舟のように
今は　前へ　進め

苦しみの尽きた場所に
幸せが待つというよ
僕はまだ探している
季節はずれの向日葵

こぶし握りしめ　朝日を待てば
赤い爪あとに　涙　キラリ　落ちる

孤独にも慣れたなら
月明かり頼りに
羽根なき翼で飛び立とう
もっと　前へ　進め

雨雲が切れたなら
濡れた道　かがやく
闇だけが教えてくれる
強い　強い　光
強く　前へ　進め


Only Human (translated)
Lyrics: Osanai Mai Translation: Jonathan Wu

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile

On the opposite coast of sadness
is something called a smile
But before we can go there,
is there something we’re waiting for?

In order to chase our dreams, we can’t have a reason to run away
We’ve got to go, to that far away summer’s day

If we find it tomorrow, we can’t sigh
Because like a boat that opposes the stream
we have to walk straight on

In a place worn down by sadness
something called a miracle, is waiting
Yet we are still searching
for the sunflower that grows at the end of spring

The warrior who awaits the morning light
before he can clasp it with red nails, his tears glitter and fall

Even if we’ve grown used to loneliness
only relying on the light of the moon
We have to fly away with featherless wing
just go foward, just a little further

As the rainclouds break
the wet streets sparkling
Although it brings only darkness
A powerful, powerful light
helps push us to walk on
=================================================

Well, this song, from the series 1 litre of tears..everyone says its so touching, but then, i havent watch it yet... then my bro intro me this song.. so far quite nice also la...

hmm...i have shifted to serdang... exact place should be sri kembangan gua? good loo now, no need go out so often, save money and concentrate more on studies...

let me tell you my december schedule...

Dec 3- farewell party for our boss, i involved in one of the performance;
Dec 6, 7 - exam
Dec 7 - 18 - annual leave..
Dec 19 - Revision class
Dec20 - Public holiday
Dec 21, 22 - exam
Dec 23 - Sunday off
Dec 24 - class (i think so)
Dec 25 - Christmas

you can see something like...
"exam-> off -> class -> off -> exam -> off -> class -> off "
so...this is going to be my december schedule...

and ya, previous post i've talk about 13 is a bad luck number right? my new apartment is in 13th floor... wahaha... anyway, i dun think it is bad anymore, should be good luck! cuz i'm staying there!! hehe =P

i should be going back to DUMC still, though at first i was thinking, its too far away for me to go there, but, there is no eng methodist church in serdang that is convenient for me to go, and since i have a junior friend, who is also keen to go to DUMC every sunday, so we will walk together... my best friend, my cg friends and also one of the pastor from my church also ask me to come back to DUMC, i guess all of them have been praying for me all these while.. and God did answer all the prayers! PTL!! (^.^)

Seasons in the sun lyric
Goodbye to you my trusted friend
We've known each other since we were nine or ten
Together we climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and A B C's
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.

Goodbye my friend it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time

Goodbye Papa please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along.

Goodbye Papa its hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I'll be there.

We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone.
We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone.

Goodbye Michelle my little one
You gave me love and helped me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground.

Goodbye Michelle it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun
But the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach

We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun
But the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach
We had joy we had fun We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone
All our lives we had fun We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time

============================================
There are always many many things that happen between the period where i can find some time to blog...

1. Few days ago i went visit this "rumah kanak-kanak cacat" in pj...that's the place i always pass by but never know the name until the visit day with my classmates... planned to sing this "seasons in the sun" and "kau ilhamku", but then in the end, we sing all kind of songs and within 24 hours, i had a sore throat... this is bad... but i never regret... though till now i'm still on my treatment..

2. the same song sang by Westlife is a bit different from the original singer Terry Jacks... i almost laugh out when i see "starfish on the beach" cuz Westlife's dun have this line, or maybe the lyric that my friend print out to me dun have... hmmm....

3. Kimi Raikkonen won F1 champion! i feel so happy!!!! =D but then i heard that McLaren wanna appeal something, then maybe Hamilton will win... i hope this will not happen...

4. A friend of mine told me that i'm one of the 3 girl friends who sms him to tell him the good news (Kimi won), then he ask me why i like him? and he say my reply is same as the other 2 girls, handsome and cool! Universal answer?!!

5. Alonso stay or leave McLaren? dunno...dun care la...whatever the decision is, it still doesn't make my life happier or sad...

6. Hamilton...do i have anything to say about him? well...i think he is quite leng chai la...becuz he has short hair...i like guys with short hair, look smarter ma... other than that, no comment... wait and see what will happen next season...

7. My college, or rather institute, is gonna shift to serdang so soon... i went to round round the new place at serdang yesterday.. and i found that...OMG, so faraway.. from my hostel to the nearest bustop i need to walk at least 30 minutes i think... wonder how i can go home every weekend.. if i have a car then it's a different story.. oh well... it is only gonna b half a year plus... and i heard the new rules in the new place is more strict! for me, i think kinda like back to national service... haha...wait and see...even if i dun like it, it's only 7months!!

8. Learned one new thing from my fren, "i just dun wanna give up so easily!" so determined and full of compassion! she has been taking music classes in bangsar, then now gonna shift to serdang liao, to come back here is very leceh, she almost wanna stop but then one of my tutor gave her support! try the first month, if really cannot, then only stop for a few months, after grad to continue.. her discipline in controlling her own finance is something i respect her alot, plus her determination of achieving her dreams, i feel that God is so good let me get know her, she gives me lotsa inspiration!

9. My friend recommend me to play o2jam, since i have been hearing bout this game is very nice to play so i decided to try... login and login again and again, i still cant got in... finally dwlded, then whenever i almost start the game, my comp restarted... i think i cant play it on my comp... though i failed to enjoy this game, but one thing i learned of this friend of mine, he is super patience in guiding me step by step to this game... i already gave up but he still trying! thanks nicholas for your patience! this is not the first time, and i really appreciate the friendship we have!

10. Planned to go jogging this morning with my ex-son, but it seems God says i better rest myself since im still not fully recovered from my sore throat and cough...heavy rain this morning and the plan have to be canceled... and i found that he also have bad headache this morning... so both of us better rest la...haha

11. Hmmm...something very very disturbing me happened... long ago... few weeks to a month ago... something happened in my hostel...then me and my roommates were not-so happy with each other...and then somehow we talked again...it seems ok now, but i know deep in our hearts there are always some scars...thank God that all of them are willing to ignore this scar as much as they could to remain good rapport as roommates at least... i guess shifting could help in this better... staying apart then less problem will occur... but my tutor has a different explanation, she say if i hope to stay apart with them, this is only running from the problem, what i should do is to face it... well, i din meant to runaway from it, but since the 4 of us in the room are much better now, i think it is still not consider running away from problem...

12. wondering if i write so much will there be anyone visiting my blog?

13. this is a badluck number...so i shouldn't write anything...

14. this number is also not so good...next!

15. Talking bout life-partner... is he the one? will i like him and love him as long as i could live? i guess only time will tell.. through this relationship i've learn something very important: have faith. i wouldn't know what will happen in the future, nor i will know God's plan, but by having faith in God and knowing that He will always gives us the best is the greatest comfort and courage in life!

16. Planning to jog tomorrow (again), hope it doesn't rain tomorrow morning...

17. So bored! dunno what to write la...

18. ~The End~ Thank you for reading! (^.^)

Faithful lyric
There's distance in the air
And I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms `round about me
And blow with all my might

I cannot sense you close
Though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near
Is what I long for

CHORUS
When I can't feel you
I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you
I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you
More than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you
Maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past
Though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one
Still trying to make it right

So I whisper soft your name
And let it roll around my tongue
Knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

CHORUS

Bridge
Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want
=====================================

This song sang by Brooke Fraser, my best friend send all the songs in her latest album Albertine to me and i find this song very meaningful...

this is a love song, to whoever it is; but for me, it would be more like a love song singing just for God and Him alone...

"...When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same, When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray...The comfort of you near is what i long for..."

Sometimes, God may be silence...cant sense, cant feel, cant hear Him at all... but i know, You are here with me always and never leaves me alone, you still listening to all my cries and also praises...and when You're quiet, i know You want me to learn something, You want me to be more sensitive, to be more patience...and as i wait for You, maybe i'm made more faithful to You...

i really dunno what to write anymore, since the lyrics described my heart well enough... there are times when i really sense God, those days i feel very joyful and i can have a sense of peace even though i'm facing a problem... but there are also times when i cant feel Him at all, i feel like why everything just going out of my way?? even a small problem can cause so much trouble, to me and also the people around me...but these are days where we need to learn to be still and knowing God is with us, He kept silent becuz He wants to know how strong it is our relationship with Him..do we know Him well enough? He kept silent cuz He already taught us during the days when we can feel and sense and hear Him, and now is the time where we need to apply what we have learn...and at the same time, He wants to know, how faithful are we.. when He is silent, do we loose our hearts and go for idols? or do we be still and read His Words for guidance?

God knows us well, when He is silent, He aspect us to apply what we've learn... He won't leave you alone till you drown, He is always there to watch us and ready to pull us through anytime...

My Dearest, Thank You! (^.^)

《色 | 戒》 好看，如果没有被cut的话，更好看！

我是看了报纸的介绍，加上朋友说很想看，所以就买票踏进戏院。
一开始知道关于《色 | 戒》的是，有人说像A片， 主角全裸上阵。 心想，李安竟然拍A片？！ 可是看了《色 | 戒》的报道， 觉得李安想带出的, 是很有艺术味道的性爱，而且花了很大笔费用，去建筑当时的上海，听说还是真材实料！真的很想去看到底有多真, 还有想看看那场床戏有多震撼！ 当然, 床戏有多震撼就看不到了，不过，真的真的很好看! 很多情感交集着，让我的心情一直徘徊在王佳芝身上好几天。

“3年前你可以的，为什么不？” 一句话，有多少心痛，失望，无奈… 我感到你对我的爱， 可为什么你，不但什么行动都没有，而且还把我推向另一个男人？ 你不行动， 我不知道你爱不爱我， 甚至我怀疑你的爱。 既然你把我送到另一个男人的身边， 他对我也不错， 我不知不觉， 爱他比爱你更深、 爱到不能自拔； 享受他给我的性与宠爱。 为了这一切， 我宁愿放弃为国报仇、宁愿违背我们的约定、宁愿出卖你！ 顶着这角色去演这没有回头的话剧， 融入角色、 不是演麦太太而是真正的麦太太； 当易先生的情妇、 去享受被爱的刺激， 这一切只当作我演戏的酬劳。

到最后， 爱没有对错， 爱是一种经验。 爱， 也很伟大， 令人愿意放弃很多： 邝裕民为了爱国放弃了王佳芝， 甚至把她给牺牲了； 易先生爱麦太太， 眼尖的他在看见许多埋伏时，选择去相信他爱的这个女人， 放弃去追查她的身世； 王佳芝爱易先生， 放弃去报仇， 就算出卖了自己的身份也要挽救他的生命。

我不晓得，我会不会爱得如此的深…

一千个世纪 Lyric

当时地球 还年轻 我们诞生荒凉 大海里
演化到了 寒武纪 我们长出脊椎 和勇气
某天我们开始踩出脚印
学会双手拥抱学会爱情
长出人类的心

啊啊 我要和你 一起走过 一千个世纪
每次诞生 我都要与你相遇 每次轮回 都为你

当时你我 都野性 我们学会用火 跟穴居
后来帝国 正崛起 我们战乱之中 更相依

某天我们突然回忆过去
我们只是两段平凡基因
却爱的很美丽

啊啊 我要和你 一起走过 一千个世纪
下一个我 也许是人或蚂蚁 每次轮回 都是为你

在一起 在一起 在一起

直到文明 又毁灭 一千世纪后的 第一天
伊甸园里 肩并肩 我们笑看太阳 也熄灭

=====================================
OMG!!! so long din update liao... busy and lazy... wahaha
well well... Mayday's new song, Born to Love album... i always love Mayday...
i dun really believe in 轮回 but i am born to this world for a purpose, and i always believe that i am born for someone!

一千个世纪 a thousand century... so many years... we will spend around 1 century on earth and the rest in heaven then... hehehe... really looking forward for it.. =p

This is the year of Transition... it seems like i always talk bout this...
Erm... well... it is so true especially coming to the end of the year...

first of all... my college is shifting by end of this year... the hospital wanna rebuild the old block, and since my college occupied one floor of the old block, we have to move! another 3 - 4 months from now i'll be out of bangsar... definitely not any where at bangsar... the place is still yet to be decided... i hope it wun be too far away... its good that i have a very nice boss! he will choose a place which is safe for us...he says saftey first! i believe he will choose the best for us! he is a very caring person, no wonder is the our boss! hehe...

and then, by end of this year... i am consider a senior in my college... and as the most senior group of students in my college, tutors' expectation towards us is very high... so gonna be very stressful... aiks...

another thing is that... DUMC, is shifting to Dream Center this year... i just went for the DC clean up day... contribute a little for my church... hehe... well... all the "transition" started with this church...

what else? erm... concerning whether will i still be single or not... better ask God this question... He has a plan for me, lets wait and see... if the time is right... then... you will know when is it la... heheehe

but...all the things that gonna be changed that i have listed, still remain the same... not change yet... haha... i am still not the most senior, DUMC still at sea park, my college is still at bangsar and i am still single... hahaha...
at the end of the year you will see everything is changed! but i believe change for a better one!

yea...change is for better... everyone changes... so am i...
transition... means leaving the old one and entering the new one... how well is the entering depends on how well you leave..

i guess you know what i mean by this... love all of you... =)

what a day..i came back on thursday night..later i have to go back to hostel (again)..
today's april fool..so far still nothing happened to me nor i did anything to my friend (yet)

erm..did anyone know that i am in love recently?
well..hehe..the person is Kimi Raikkonen..
(friends: well..we ALL know this..not only recently, but have been in love with him for at least 6 years...)
wah..6 years edi ar? see..this shows that i am a very loyal person..
(friends: ya right *sweat drops*)
hmm..this year Kimi is in Ferrari..a year of transition for him..
(friends: "year of transition" sounds familiar...)
yup yup..2007 is a year of transition..you must have heard it before in DUMC..
year of 2007, i will be turning 19 to 20..
in this year i will be completing sem4 and sem5, which is very vital, since sem6 will be learning management only..
and i think..i've changed a little..perhaps alot..

one of my friend say..if i am in doubt for choices of life..means.. i am growing..
discipline also part of growing up..

to buy or not to buy something..
depends on your budget..ya..i dun have the budget for it now..
but i really, really like it..
i want it..
if i dun buy now
i might not have the chance again
so..
to buy or not to buy?
doubting..means growing..
think of the future..
if i buy now..i will have to starve for few days end of the month..
so discipline comes..dun buy!
huhuhu..i like it so much..
dun buy means dun buy..cannot means cannot!!
alright..i will just say bye..
think back..if i bought it..doesn't really make any different in my life..

to start or not to start with someone..
same concept..
doubt still..
means i am growing...?
my best friend say..i dun fall in love but i grow in love..
yup..i agree..
so..to start or not to start..
this is different from buying something..
buy or dun buy may make only slight difference in my life..
but this will be a big issue..
perhaps 50 years later this isn't big for me anymore..
but for now..it is..
no one is responding..until today..
only the Lord knows everything..
i thought i wanna tell someone something one day..
but the Lord denied my plan..
maybe next time..
i dun wanna lose any friends becuz of this..
friendship are just too precious..
fragile at times too..
i just hope Lord will give me to go thru all these..
pray to the Lord..
the only thing i can do..

Thank You Lyric

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man
And he was smiling as he came

And he said friend you may not know me now
And then he said but wait
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start

And one day when you said that prayer
I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you
And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry
You didn't have much money
But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave

And that's why I'm here today

CHORUS (repeat)

One by one they came
Far as the eyes could see
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices made

Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed

And I know that up in heaven
You're not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord

He said, my child look around you
For great is your reward

CHORUS (repeat)

I am so glad you gave
==========================
shannon sent me this song...
really nice...
should try listening to it... =)

Dear friends,

sorry for not updating my blog for such a long time..
a few times, i tot i wanna put something in my blog,
but in the end i didn't..
getting more things to do when i'm online..
perhaps..
or i'm just too slow to type chinese characters..
i hope i can update it in chinese,
cuz i think i can express myself better..
you think?

about one month ago,
my friend passed away..
2 days later,
my colleague's mom passed away..
life is so, so fragile..
my friend, although i dun see him often,
or stay in touch always..
but it's still hurt to see him like this..
dunno when,
the person might be me..
anything might just happen to me
in the very next minute..
i wept as i'm hugging my colleague who is crying..
anything might just happen to my parents
in the very next minute..
the friends i met today,
might be the last time i see them in life..
i can't afford to loose any of my beloved!
i might cry, i might not..
but for sure..
my heart will cry!
"broken hearts, broken life, He will take'em all.."
Oh Lord, bring peace..

in semester 4 already..
as usual..busy..
and this is without any position in council..
can't imagine what's gonna happen
if i am selected again..
tutor say,
"you have to read at least 4 books for each subject"
i am trying my very best..
tutor say,
"you have to set your goal higher!
85% MCQ, 80% MEQ, 90% OSCE"
erm...o..k.. ..
let's wait and see..
my goal is only 80% MCQ, 75% MEQ, 80% OSCE..
wow...so low..
you think?

i am not in council now..
but i still hear something like...
"council member, you should be role model to the others!"
(excuse me..i am not!)
"you are not student council mer? i tot you are?"
(no, my dear..)
"how come you are not in council?"
(how i know? better not to be..)
and so...
am i really high profile when i was a council member?
humble, sister, humble..

my best friend gave me a growth journal..
and so..
i started to commit myself
in reading the bible everyday..
so that i can finish it in a year..
learning to prioritize
God, studies, friends, family, life..
now,
tiredness and sleepiness is the greatest devil
that i have to overcome!
and also the controling mind
that keep on telling me
"you have so much things to do!!"
this is what you call LiFe..
pray for me my dear..
let me have the passion to live this life!

i miss my friends..
all girls are now so pretty..
and guys are so handsome..
and the most happy thing is...
they are my friends!!!!
hehehehe...
so glad to have them...
but of cuz la..not becuz of that..
it's becuz after so long..
they still treat me the same..
and they still remember me..
this is the most important thing!

LiFe...
omg..haven't talk bout cny yet!
nvm la..
almost the same..
everyone also say cny is more and more boring,
routine..nothing special..no feel at all..
agree?
you have to..no choice!
cuz it's the truth...
hehehe..

well well well...
thank you my dear friends
for spending time to read this..
thank you again all my dearest,
for being my friend!
thank God for sending all of you to me
to accompany me in my life,
esp during the time of need i see your hands!
how wonderful it is that you are my friend!
may the Lord bless you more and more..
and we shall meet again,
even each of us with our grandchildren..
friendship forever!

and i shall say..
i wasn't typing poem..
get me right,
(not left..)
i am just writing it this way
so that its easier for you to read...
anyway..i know you dun mind..
hehehehe...
that's why we are friends! =D

with love..

Ki Ni Naru Aitsu

 Doko made mo tsuzuku
aoi sora massugu miagate
Fukinukeru kaze wo suikonde
saka wo kakete'ku
 Itsumo yori MAJI na hyoujou wo
tooku kara nirami-nagara
Nande darou? WAKE mo naku
iji ni natte shimau
 Ki ni naru AITSU, fushigi na AITSU,
koko de jitto shite irarenai
Magari-kado de wa, sou,
nani ka okorisou de kakedasu yo
 Ki ni naru yokan, fushigi na yokan,
yume de mita you na munasawagi
Yokan dekinai mainichi massugu mitsumete
AITSU ni makenai yo
 ORENJI no kumo wo oi-kakete
anna ni isoide
Omoikiri nanka ni tsumazuite
hade ni koronda
 Itsudatte AITSU no KOTO nante
KANKEE nanka nai'n dakara
ASUFARUTO ketobashite
kaeri-michi wo isogu
 Ki ni naru AITSU, fushigi na AITSU,
kyou mo yokome de CHEKKU shite...
Shiranai-uchi ni, sou,
naze ka AITSU no PEESU hamatte'ru
 Ki ni naru yokan, fushigi na yokan,
nani ka hajimaru munasawagi
donna toki de mo yuzurenai
risou ga aru kara
Dare ni mo makenai yo
 Ki ni naru AITSU, fushigi na AITSU,
koko de jitto shite irarenai
Sono mune no oku, sou,
himeta HONTO no chikara shiritakute...
 Ki ni naru yokan, fushigi na yokan,
maru de mirai wa meiro da ne
Yume wo shikkari kono te ni
tsukameru toki made
Jibun ni makenai
..............................................
 I look straight up at
 the neverending blue sky
I inhale the passing breeze
 and run (down) the hill
 While glaring at your unusually
 serious expression from afar
Why is this? Without a reason,
 I become completely obstinate
 This girl on my mind, this mysterious girl
 -- I can't just stand here quietly
Around the corner, when it seems like something
 is about to happen, I break into a run.
 This anxious presentiment, this mysterious presentiment
 -- an uneasiness like that seen in a dream
I can't have this anxiety everyday,
 I stare straight ahead
I won't lose to her
 I chase after orange clouds
 in such a hurry
With all I strength I trip over something
 and fall over in a showy manner
 Because I've never had a connection
 or anything related to that person
I kick off the asphalt,
 hurrying on the way home
 This girl on my mind, this mysterious girl
 -- even today, I give a side-glance check...
Without realizing it, for some reason
 I fall into her pace.
 This anxious presentiment, this mysterious presentiment
 -- this uneasiness that something is beginning
Because I have ideals that
 I won't give up no matter what
I won't lose to anyone
 This girl on my mind, this mysterious girl
 -- I can't just stand here quietly
I want to know the real power
 that is hidden deep in my (your) heart...
 This anxious presentiment, this mysterious presentiment
 -- the future is like a labyrinth
Until the time when I can firmly grasp
 this dream in these hands
I won't give up on myself

===============================================
Tadadada~ this is the song i'm loving it!! hehe...
i am gonna be 20 this year.. and i mean i am still 19 plus only for now..hehe..a year of transition?
by end of this year all the syllabus should be finished and sem6 is only management..
feeling some big responsibility on my shoulders now..
hoping for a better one.. (^.^)

I surrender to you Lyric

Lord, you live in me
You're my best friend
You're the King of kings
The beginning and end
Now that you have my eyes
I see your spirit inside of me

All that I am is for you
My Savior
I live by your word
And surrender to you
Here where I stand in this moment father
My spirit has been renewed
I surrender to you

You hold the key to my life
In your loving hand
Always by my side
I offer all that I am
So glad I realize
You are the truth and the light
In my life

Everything I need I find in you
I believe your promises are true
I will lift my burdens up to you
Your loving grace will see me through

I surrender to you

______________________________________________________

Happy New Year!! this starting of the year is very meaningful to me..i went countdown in church! this is the very first year i celebrate new year in church! and i thank God that i have this opportunity! I hope this year i will be faithful to him and trust in him in all the situations and i shall depend on him in everything that i do! and this indeed a brand new year for me! and i thank God for everything he has done for me last year! everything i need i find in you and i believe your promises are true! 2007 will be a great year with him walk with me all the way thru! Amen!

幸福Lyric
幸福不是每一天都有
错过以后要等很久很久
别让你的快乐在我怀中变成泡沫

至少我们依然是朋友
如果我不适合握你的手
带着我的祝福好好的过
藏起心痛 我想我还能忍受这点寂寞
用最沉默的温柔 微笑对你挥挥手

If you cry 我会明白
If you smile 我也会温暖
走累了 if you don’t mind
和我坐下来 看看天的蓝
If you cry 还有我在
If you try 陪你等待
你永远不会孤单
有个人只为了你存在

======================================

well..have been so worried bout something gonna happen recently... i tot i wanna tell something to my parents before christmas..but i did it on the christmas day...a liltle bit late but at least i did it at last...

before that really scared that 幸福 will just slip away if i tell...so far still ok la...like nothing much changed also...but dunno what will happen if my grandma and my relatives know bout it...

haihz...decisions are hard...i am glad i made one finally...like the lyrics.. 幸福不是每一天都有 错过以后要等很久很久... 幸福 might just stay away from me for some times after the decision made.. but i believe 有个人只为了你存在..so 你永远不会孤单...really hope that in everytime whether i am up or down, happy or sad, he will be with me forever...really cant imagine how to live without him.. 忍受这点寂寞...i hope there will be always someone will tell me 还有我在..let pray that this gonna be true..love you forever..(^.^)

花Lyric
就狂舞如果吹狂风　就等待放晴的天空
如果雨越下越大　节奏就更猛

当风雨　都过去　迎着风　看天空
不放弃　才能够　有感动
这一生　这一次　为自己　抬起头
至少要　骄傲的　盛开过

天地的善变我不怕　人间的混乱却不懂
让我最灿烂的笑　换和平天空

当风雨　都过去　迎着风　看天空
不放弃　才能够　有感动
这一生　这一次　为自己　抬起头
至少要　骄傲的　盛开过

========================================

Have been a very complicated week..
or perhaps weeks..

i feel kinda happy recently..
although i failed my exam (modified essay questions), i got 59..
and the passing mark is 60...
haha..dun worry, i am not the only one..

and then becuz i failed my exam i disappoint my tutors and also parents..
haihz..feeling so bad over this..

and i joined cg recently..
feeling so bad cuz have to break one of the college rule..
then i successfully got the permission from my tutor..
then i feel very happy..

but then now i need another one..
feeling so complicated..
tell?
or not to tell?
or who should i tell first?
omg..i am getting crazy..

i think i am in love with someone..
recently..
guess who?
haha..ask me personally if you wanna know..

anyway..
i have to concentrate on my resit paper first..
which is on the 18 dec..
and my LAN subjects exam is on 20 dec..
pray for me that i can pass all these exams..

now for those who know me i wanna ask you a question:
did i change? why do you think so?

feel free to leave any comments..
thank you very much for your time..

Love you all so much (^.^)

你和我 Lyric

親愛的聽眾朋友我是你的代班DJ
想找你陪我一起聊聊這世界
整天的工作重覆疲憊的畫面
麻木你的感覺
耳邊才剛剛聽到仇恨要靠理智解決
謾罵和子彈卻在那頭滿天飛
學了一輩子的愛沒勇氣說出來
彌補那些傷害

你和我 在世界同一座擂台
別懦弱 拿出勇氣對待
讓眼淚 流出來不是因為失敗
幸福那個夢 就看你和我
你和我 你和我

美麗的主播說的都不是美麗的新聞
彩色的報紙能讓鮮血更逼真
當美麗播報的全是絕望的氣氛
誰該負點責任
那麼多的人只敢窩在網路裡面生存
慢慢都忘記電腦螢幕沒靈魂
科技的發達讓人的距離被拉開
再也拉不回來

你和我 在世界同一座擂台
別懦弱 拿出勇氣對待
讓眼淚 流出來不是因為失敗
幸福那個夢 就看你和我
你和我 你和我 你和我 (我們做得到yeah)

你和我也沒什麼不一樣 該學習地球如何分享
為什麼我們會忘記怎麼擁有簡單的大愛

that's right,
你和我
我們都要做的更好
你和我 在世界同一座擂台
====================================
well...exam soon...the one and only concentration is EXAM!!!
haihz...
read a friend's blog...Martin's, lotsa Love stuff over there...lotsa meaningful, lovely verse over there...wahaha...anyone interested can go visit visit la... martin's was my classmate, but he forgot me edi!!! hmmm...nvm..we can always make friends again (^.^)

you and me...i think this is a very meaningful song... you and me can make our life better!
well...try our best! we can always start from small small little things...

eg: be faithful to your own God, with Him impossible is nothing;

eg: do not liter, dispose your rubbish at proper place and keep the environment clean;

eg: don't smoke, dun make our air even more polluted, everyone does not want to die due to lung cancer, cancer is one of the most suffering disease, dun ever let you and your love one experience it;

eg: always put yourself at other people shoes, dun blame others too much and instead understand them, the world would be more lovely if we kind to the people around us;

eg: help others, help other not because you wanna get "pahala" or blessing or fame or anything, but help other just simply because you are already so much luckier than the others, help other because you've already got alot more than others that god had given to you;

eg: love yourself. be responsible of yourself, take care of yourself properly so that your love ones would not get worried, guard your attitute so that your love ones will be proud of you;

eg: Smile always! smile is infectious, smile to the others, whether you know them anot, and you will see the world smiling to you;

believe that we can make our life better!
Love is the greatest power!
even God has love!

you know you can do it, dun be afraid or step back!
you can do it!
let you and me to take the first step and guide the others to do so...

and so... let us do our best! pray for me so that i would pass my exam... (^.^)

Heart Lyric
Di sini kau dan aku
Terbiasa bersama
Menjalani kasih sayang
Bahagia ku denganmu

Pernahkah kau menguntai
Hari paling indah
Ku ukir nama kita berdua
Di sini surga kita

Bila kita mencintai yang lain
Mungkinkah hati ini akan tegar
Sebisa mungkin,
tak akan pernah
Sayangku akan hilang...

If we love somebody Could we be this strong
I will fight to win Our love will conquer all
I wouldn't risk my love
Even just one night
Our love will stay in my heart
My heart..

======================================

《一封给他的信》有了续集…原本以为一切都结束了，想不到在差不多一个多月以前又开始了。 将近一年没有联络，一开始很惊讶， 后来却觉得我们之间的友情进步了很多。 以前没什么聊天，现在确很多话。了解也更深了…

感觉很复杂，我唯有能作的是坦白。
我问他我们之间到底是什么感情， 是友情，或更多？
他说他想要更多，担很怕不能给我快乐…
我说我怕更进一步因为怕因而失去一位朋友。
他说喜欢一个人没有所谓的对或错，对他而言这是一个经验…
我说不如让上帝决定吧。
他说OK…

看了《HEART》这部Indon戏，一直看，一直想…为什么不是Rachel？
Ku ukir nama kita berdua,
di sini suga kita, terbiasa bersama,
bahagia ku dengan mu,
bila kita mencintai yang lain…
我跟他也曾经刻过我们的名字，有过我们的美好回忆。
Rachel 也是。
但是为什么 Fahrel 却爱上 Luna ？
是不是 "terbiasa bersama" 所以没有感觉？
我只希望我不会踏上 Rachel 的路， 我没有那么伟大…